Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
