it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
