I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
