oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
