ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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