I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
