STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
