He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
