bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
