I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
