he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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