chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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