I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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