last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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