He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
