I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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