remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
