so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
