oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
