things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
