hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
