Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
