I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
