READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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