I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
