CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
