The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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