Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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