Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
