I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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