Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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