My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
