New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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