I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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