Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
