I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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