what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Mom said you looked used
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
