When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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