Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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