I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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