I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
