I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
