just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
