My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
