last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
