My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
