The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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