yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
