so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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