Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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