so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
