Im at strip club and am horny
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
