ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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